Black Tar and Concubines

She misses looking in the mirror and seeing herself decay a little more with each passing day. She misses walking along the edge of the abyss. She misses those lonely snowy nights. She misses the still chaos. She misses having a purpose. She misses the hunger. She misses the friends and more importantly the enemies. She misses not knowing or understanding. She misses the waking sleep. She misses walking among the dead. She misses the emptiness. She misses the bleeding sores. She misses the pain. She misses living only to feed. She misses being alone in a crowded room. She misses having a God to curse. She misses meeting you for the very first time. She misses holding you when there was nothing else. She misses hating you when there was nobody else. She misses you leaving and coming back again. She misses waiting in the cold for you to fuck for money. She misses hiding in motel rooms and digging through carpet for salvation and a reason to live. She misses falling asleep next to you. She misses running from phantoms with you. She misses driving through the endless night with you. She misses lying to you. She misses watching you breathe in the fumes. She misses fighting with you over crumbs. She misses waiting for you to never come back. She misses wishing she was dead. She misses trying to sleep forever. She misses the other lost souls wandering aimlessly through perpetual night. She misses an endless supply. She misses fucking over anybody who got in the way of her need to feed the demon inside of her. She misses the chase. She misses digging deeper and deeper searching for solace and some peace of mind. She misses the sickness pushing her deeper and deeper towards the inevitable. She misses having a reason to fight. She misses them smiling as they watched her sink further and further. She misses waiting for the end. She misses being beautiful underneath the stars when they shined just right. She misses hoping there was something more to live for. She misses wishing it was all okay. She misses crying at night while the fiends all slept. She misses putting on a brave face when it was time to wake up and fight again. She misses pleading for something good inside of her to show itself. She misses those fleeting moments of bliss when the demon was fed and she’d silence the noise inside her head. She misses drifting off into the ether. She misses the warmth spreading throughout from deep within. She misses it piercing through her skin. She misses wallowing in piss and shit and sin. She misses not recognizing her reflection. She misses yearning for connection and blaspheming perfection. She misses the scent of her infection. She misses her impotent perversion and self induced revulsion. She misses shaking in convulsion after making the incision. She misses constant indecision and a life made up of fiction. She misses the the peace of her affliction. She misses the dirty needles and the shady people. She misses lying, stealing, pleading, seething, shaking, hurting, yearning, crying, denying, crucifying, sacrificing, romanticizing, epitomizing and self actualizing a soul that’s dying, no longer flying! She misses the thugs and gutter scum and not being able to cum because she’s so fucking numb! She misses playing dumb and living underneath her own thumb! She misses the dealers, freewheelers, connivers, habitual deceivers, get rich scheme conceivers, and godless nonbelievers! She’s sorry for the way things turned out! She wishes things were different! She wishes she could turn back time or somehow press rewind to a time she wasn’t blind, when she still had good inside! She’s drowning in this rising tide of tears her eyes have cried as she’s watching waves collide and wash away her pride! Her soul has been denied and her fate she can’t decide! She’s begging! She’s pleading! She’s bleeding! She’s screaming! This world just keeps on turning while inside she’s always yearning! Burning! Hurting! She’s alone inside her cage staring down at a blank page that’ll soon be inked with rage! She remembers laying beneath the moon and stars and looking up into the crystal sky, holding hands and believing they could fly, if only they would try! She remembers feeling love beneath the stars above and the bliss of that first kiss before it all turned into piss, shadows of a life she missed! She stares into the sky with no more tears to cry and she wishes she could fly! She misses getting lost inside your eyes and a time before her lies, before she was denied! Her reflection so unclear, she can’t see through her fear and her time is drawing near!